I don’t garden. I don’t enjoy gardening.
I hate getting dirt under my nails. I hate gardening gloves because there always seems to be dirt or something else gross inside. Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl.
And I always manage to hurt myself when I try to garden.
Its just not my thing.
Growing up, however, my mom loved to garden. Almost half of our backyard was dedicated to her garden (I think it is still that way). She grew so many things, and they all grew so well. . . they still do. And she has lots of little garden figurines and decorations at things. During warmer weather we would have to wake up at 7:00a.m. for “weeding parties” where mom’s massive garden was divided up into sections and each of us was responsible to weed our assigned section. It was joyous fun.
You would think that her love of gardening would have rubbed off on me just a little. Or that maybe I would have had a little hint of green on my thumb.
But that’s not the case. I am really good at killing plants. Really, really good.
I tried to grow a garden last year. My tomatoes did pretty well. And I got a little bit of squash. The green peppers never got much bigger than my little finger – and we won’t even talk about everything else. I’m sure it doesn’t help that the soil around here is horrible – or that I detest weeding. Or…
So, with our house up for sale I figured that I should replace our flowerbeds full of 2 year old wood chips with something with a little more curb appeal. So I buckled down and purchased 8 bags of Top Soil, some Miracle Grow Plant Food (with weed preventer) and a bunch of random flowers.
When I went to the greenhouse I had the following conversation with the guy working there:
Tina: “Hi I need some really low maintenance flowers with lots of color. Oh, and they need to be able to grow in crappy soil and survive amid the roots of a quaking aspen.”
Guy: “Ok. What kind were you thinking?”
Tina: “Honestly I don’t care. We are selling our house and I just want to get some color out there. I don’t really want to have to do anything.”
Guy: “And you want to plant these now?”
Tina: “Yes. Is that a problem?”
Guy: “Well, we aren’t past the freezing yet”
Tina: “I guess I don’t have to get them out today. Like I said we are trying to sell our house and I was just hoping to get some color out there soon.”
Guy: “I have some that are pretty tolerant to cold. They’ll survive down to 28 degrees.”
Tina: “Great. Let’s see them.”
Guy: “Well, there’s [these daisy looking things] and [these little pink flowers], or you could try snapdragons.”
Tina: “I did snapdragons last year, and I killed them.”
Guy: (shocked look on his face)
Tina: “Is that a bad sign?”
Guy: “Um, no not necessarily.”
Tina: “I shouldn’t be allowed near plants”
Guy: (polite chuckle)
Tina: “No snapdragons”
I proceeded to purchase the daisy looking things and the little pink flowers. Sorry I don’t remember what they are called.
Bridget and I spent most of that day outside digging, pulling weeds, arranging dirt, and planting flowers. It felt good when it was finally done. But then I looked at the other flower bed and started to cry. Not really, but almost. That flowerbed is going to get a new layer of wood chips. No flowers.
In any case, the flowers are planted. Here’s what it looks like two days after being planted (right before the latest snow storm). I figured I’d take a picture before they all die.
I even bought this nifty little butterfly thing.
What do you think mom? Proud? Or maybe ‘shocked’ is a better word?
They look good, I hope they survive 🙂
I also hate gardening. I kill even house plants. Both my mom and my sister love gardening and having plants. I’ve never liked it and I also really don’t like the gloves for the same reason, they feel yucky inside…
Hilarie, I am so glad I’m not alone on this. Thanks for the comment. 🙂
i have to second that!! I have a brown thumb?? not a green one.. My mom has plants that go wild in her house… and get this, she smokes in the house with all the plants (gross…. but the plants seem to love the pollution) So she tries to give them to me thinking that i can take care of plants!… but no i kill everything! i water to much or to less… or not at all… or whatever…i want a garden but i don’t want to weed or work on it… so i think that means no garden for me. haha
I keep telling our boys that we can have a garden when we get a house…by then they’ll be old enough to do all the work! 🙂
We’ve planted a couple of things, but nothing has come up. I’m worried they froze or something.
You are hilarious. You should print it (’cause ours has issues) and give it to my Mom when you’re in California. She’ll love it.
It looks great. You planted marigolds, I think. Short of never watering them, you won’t kill them. I’ll have a gift for you on Sunday; it’s called Treflan. Sprinkle it around those plants in about a week. Rake it in gently and water, and NO WEEDING!
I love you. Thanks for making me laugh!
By the way, I didn’t learn to love gardening until after I was married. You WILL BE ASSIMILATED, RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!
Mom – Nope, they are not Marigolds. Believe it or not, I actually know what those are. Just for you I went into the garage and pulled out those little plastic stick things that tell you what kind of flowers they are. . . drum roll. . . I planted “Dianthus” (a.k.a floral lace rose). The daisies are an “Osteospermum Hybrid” – I think the guy called them African daisies.
The no weeding thing sounds interesting…
Anyway, Glad I could make you laugh! I’ll try to remember to print it for Grandma.
I know. After I sent it I realized the leaves in the first picture looked like marigolds, but the closeup shot was definitely a daisy. Still, very easy to grow.
Little by little, without your even recognizing it the assimilation is being to take place. Already you have put forth effort to correct my mistake and now know a bit more about what you’re growing.
Next week you’ll begin to appreciate the blessed Treflan. When you get your house you’ll discover the magical perennial tulip. . .
Some of the homes in the retirement communities around here have fake (plastic) flowers planted. Maybe I’ll try that. I bet I wouldn’t kill them. 🙂
Tina – you’re hilarious! I love that you’re so honest. My problem is that I like to garden but I’m not very good at it. Chris says I have a black thumb. Although, I did plant tulips in December and they have blossomed beautifully – I’ll have to take a picture.
Wow! A woman after my own heart. Do you think that not growing a garden will keep us out of the celestial kingdom? We’re thinking of covering up our garden spot a putting in a hot tub. At least I won’t kill that!!! I grow kids – not plants. 😉